Q. How do you make your Mac go faster? A. Drop it from a higher window.
Q. What's a sure-fire way to make the new neighbors mad? A. Eject a floppy from a Mac 1,000 times. ZZerzzit! Zzerzzzit! Zzzerzzzit!...
Q. What's the second-best way? A. Restart it 1,000 times so the infamous Mac-start-up-chime blasts from the speaker, or until they call the cops.
Q. Why aren't more Mac owners computer literate? A. They would be, if they had a computer.
Q. How do you recognize a Mac user at a computer store? A. When he's asking the salesperson how much it would cost him to upgrade to a 33.6
KBPS transfer speed--and then realize he's referring to the hard drive.
Q. How do you make a Mac disk drive access faster? A. Wind it up again
Q. What do you do with an obsolete Mac? A. Whatever you do, don't pick it up off the store shelf and buy it!
Q: What is worse than a Macintosh? A: Two Macs.
Q: What is a monumental improvement for a Macintosh? A: A new shade of Gray!
Q: What do you call a Mac enthusiast? A: Someone with way too much Prozac.
Q: Why don't schools put security on Macs? A: No need, who would want to steal a Mac?
Q: Where is Apple Headquarters located? A: Silicon Valley Landfill
Q: Where does Apple get its computer parts? A: The IBM XT Series.
Q: What do you call a Mac Laptop? A: A Gameboy.
Q: What is the difference between a chunk of wood and a Mac? A: A chunk of wood floats.
Q: What do Macs and AOL have in common? A: Everything.
Q: How do you upgrade a Macintosh processor? A: Rip it out and put in a hamster exercise wheel.
Q: What is Apple's biggest problem? A: Itself.
Q: How does one network two Macs? A: Two tin cans and some string.
Q: How do you confuse a Mac? A: Ask it a question.
Q: How do you confuse a Mac? A: Type something.
Q: Why do Mac mice go so slow? A: Not enough RAM to move the little arrow icon any faster.
Q: What's more stupid than buying a Mac? A: Buying 2.
Q: What companies are equal to Mac? A: Packard Bell and AOL.
Q: What sounds like rocks thrown in a blender? A: A Mac disk drive ejection sequence.
Q: What is more useful than a Mac? A: Excuse me, what isn't more useful than a Mac?
Q: What is less useful than a Mac? A: An AOL disk.
Q: How do you attach a CD- ROM drive to a Mac? A: Tape and/or Glue.
Q: What does a Mac have a lot in common with an Oreo cookie? A: Both have creamy white filling on the inside.
Q: What do a Mac and a caveman have in common? A: One bashes rocks, the other is used to bash rocks.
Q: What use is a Speed Doubler for Mac? A: None: 2 X 0 is still 0.
Q: What do Macs and Big-Macs have in common? A: Either will kill you if you use them too long.
Q: Why is a typewriter better than a Mac? A: More font options.
Q: How does a Mac load a program? A: Trick question.
Q: What company makes the Apple monitors? A: Etch-A-Sketch.
